A to Z Blogging Challenge: The "X" Edition

Examining What I Believe…

If you read my last two posts (Here and Here), you know that I’ve spent a lifetime believing lies about myself simply because of my size.   Had I realized my value; that I was worth taking care of, my choices would have been much more careful and self-preserving.  

The truth is, personal value isn’t based on appearance.  You can know that in your heart, but argue it in your head, and believe that somehow you don’t quite measure up.   I know from personal experience.   But…all of my past mistakes have helped mold me into the person that I am today, and I am beginning to like this chick. 

So I got to thinking about choices and lies in my life now.

I was waiting to see freedom so that I could believe it, when in fact, I had to

believe it in order to see it.  Jesus died a horrific death in exchange for my freedom; He doesn’t give me freedom, He IS my freedom.  All those years I was begging him for freedom, I already had it.  The struggle was like trying to put on clothes I was already wearing.   I twisted and turned and struggled until all I got was my clothes on backwards…much like my thinking.

I don’t know why God put me on a path that started with low carb.   In His infinite wisdom, perhaps He just had mercy on my thick-headedness and allowed me to shed some weight so that I would lose some of the insulation (weight) that was affecting my heart hearing.

I mentioned that I’ve started walking again.  (I also mentioned that after I did, I gained weight.   That weight has again disappeared.)  During my walking time, God and I have some good conversations, and He sometimes gives me revelation.   Now you, Dear Reader, may see what I’m about to say as common sense, but I have often questioned the most simple of things…like how do I seek the Kingdom of God first?   God spoke to my heart while I was walking this past week, and He told me that it’s all about love.  If I love Him…truly, madly, deeply fall in love with Him, that I would naturally seek Him first.  Everything else will fall into place.

I’d like to say I now have it all figured out…that I have all the answers and I will share them with you.  But I don’t.  I’ll tell you what I do know, though.  If my brain is telling me that I want to eat 30 minutes after I ate my last meal, it’s a lie.  If my brain tells me I want to eat, eat, eat just because I ate something I like, such as ice cream, it’s a lie.  From now on, I refuse to believe blatant, obvious lies.   I can eat a cookie, two cookies, or no cookies.  Right now, I choose no cookies, but that doesn’t mean that someday, a cookie just might sound good to me, and I’ll have one.