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| Cades Cove |
Wishes and Regrets, But There is Hope
Age does funny things to a person. I now see things so differently than I did as a youth, and I’ve begun to wish that I had seen clearly way back when. I wish I’d known what a special person my Dad is when I was growing up. I wish I’d realized what an enormous and awesome responsibility it was for him to be the sole provider for five children and a wife. Had I known about his choleric temperament, then perhaps I would have realized that he was showing us how much he loved us by working the graveyard shift in a hot factory, then coming home and keeping up at least one other business, and sometimes one or two other money making ventures, as well. I wish I had appreciated his faith, his perseverance, his wishes for his children to serve the Lord, instead of being resentful that he took me to church twice on Sunday, on Wednesday night, and every night of revival. In order to get our allowance, we had to memorize a Bible verse. I wish I’d tried harder to memorize more, to get it deep into my heart and soul. I wish I knew the scripture like he does.
I’ve never known my parents to lie, cheat, or steal. Never, ever! I can look anyone in the eye and tell them the persons they see at church, in public, or anywhere else are the very same people they would see if they spied on them at home. I am blessed beyond measure, and I’ve always had this special blessing in my parents, but I wasted many years not appreciating it. It’s one of my regrets.
My mother is one of a kind. I wish I’d realized what depth the woman has when I was living at home, and even when I finally moved out after graduating college. What a help she has been to me over the years. She is so selfless and giving. Had I followed her guidance instead of rebelling, I would have saved myself a world of heartache. She is the best example I could ever give of what a true Christian woman should be; and the fact that she would vehemently deny that statement only proves it more. She is fiercely loyal to her God and to her family. She is the one person that I trust more than anyone else in this old world. (Though I must say that I also fully trust my dad.)
I wish I had appreciated my brothers and sisters more…though some of them were hard to appreciate!! But I wish I’d tried harder to be a better sibling to them all. I still lack in that department. I have the two most wonderful sisters anyone could ever ask for, but I don’t always appreciate them like I should. I wish I were closer to my brothers, but life often gets in the way. Perhaps one day. I am blessed that they are all in my life.
I wish my daughter had as good a mother as I have, and I regret that I have not been able to be a better parent. I love her so much more than I can express.
Above all…I wish I’d served my Lord and Savior from my childhood. This is my greatest regret. I wish I had not turned my back on Him for those many years. How I wish I were able to, on Judgment Day, stand before His throne and say, “Lord, I’ve served you since my youth. I have loved You always.” I made a promise to Him yesterday that I would live the rest of my days walking closer to Him. I intend to keep that promise.
When I was younger, I always said regret was something I did not want to have to live with. Now that I am older, I realize that regret is something I do live with. I find now with my girls out on their own, they don't need me so much. It breaks my heart that I did not spend every minute I could with them. Working at times three jobs to make it, I should have asked for help from others more, I had family that would have.I had too much pride to ask. Then there was time I wasted on dating. That began thirteen years ago and I still am not where I deserve to be on that. This was one of my wishes, now I find that my wish and all hope is for that is gone. I now can't get the years that really could have been the happiest back.
ReplyDeleteMy parents, both mid-eighties and in better health than myself (thank you Lord!) were likewise solid, trustworthy and Christians. There was only my brother and myself. I often wished for sisters but instead 'adopted' my teenage best friend's two younger brothers and sister as my own. A thorn in her side, I was always astonished as to me, they were the most wonderful kids in the world. I encourage you to make whatever steps necessary, and make them often, to bring all your siblings closer. My elder brother and I had the usual 'older brother, younger sister' relationship. Three years my senior, his sr. yr. in college was my fr. Following grad. at Florence State, he moved to Auburn for graduate school, later married and moved to Atlanta. I'd see him a couple of times a year and we'd call on birthdays or regarding extended family health issues, etc. Cancer struck. Over the five years between the time his tumor was reported malignant and his death, we become what we should have always been, close children of a loving, solid Christian family. I traveled the distance to his home in Ga, then FL, often. We laughed, cried, and shared the bond of brother and sister, reminiscing our iconic, blissful childhoold. We also rued the lost years. We were busy raising families and building careers, occasionally thinking of the other somewhere else, doing the same, staying busy. My wish for you is that you and the siblings all make a conscious, steady committment to enjoying each other and sharing the bonds of family while you may. Its wonderful you and your sisters are close. Ask them, if needed, to help bring the others into the fold. My brother and I had some wonderful visits while he battled cancer. Now, as a single 'child', the full responsibility of my parents care when they become unable to care for themselves will fall solely on me, a fact that distresses me only given the fact that I may not be able physically, to do all the necessary things they deserve. I would ask that you pray for us on that issue. God bless you.
ReplyDelete*hope this doesn't come across as a sermon or lecture; quite the opposite really, offered in loving friendship.
Well, that brought tears to me eyes. Other than the sisters & brothers (I only have 1 brother) that sounds like the home I was raised in. Godly parents who took me to church Sunday morning, Sunday night & Wednesday night. I too rebelled and was not grateful for the spiritual upbringing until I was out of my teens. My dad worked swing shift as a train dispatcher and had a refrigeration repair business on the side. Plus we lived on 10 acres with cows, pigs, chickens and a huge garden. He milked the cow at noon and midnight to accommodate his work schedule. He & my mom loved each other...I NEVER remember hearing a cross word between the two of them. There was no yelling, screaming, swearing, drinking or smoking in our home. My brother and I always knew we were loved and even though we balked at the rules...we knew they had our best interest at heart. I too wish I had been the mother to my kids that my mother was to us. I did my best but I know she was better. Praise God for all those out there today working towards raising their kids in a Christ centered home.
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