Thursday's Uncommitted Thoughts about Something...

Something I know:
If that webby-looking thing dangling from my hair that I see in the corner of my eye is a spider, I know I will compulsively beat myself in the head until either I or the monster is dead. A fight to the death.

Something baffles me:
Why does it take only Saturday and Sunday to gain back everything it took me Monday – Friday to lose? (It’s time to readdress weekend activity and refocus, isn’t it?)

Something I taste:
If you walk past me and I can taste your cologne, you are wearing $40 worth too much…and that particular scent may not cost $40 to begin with.

Something I (don't want to) see:
If I can see the print of your drawers or your thong (translated “hind end cheeks”) through your leotards/way-too-tight tights (that you call “yoga pants"…which would split if you actually attempted yoga) you are not properly dressed for the public. What? You feel body shamed? Please. I feel eye-raped.

Something I cannot understand:
Why have “female parts” become such a thing in the feminist community? How does it make sense to be rude, disrespectful, yell vulgarities, picket, and march demanding, among other things, that women not be viewed as sex objects, while going topless and wearing pink hats representing their under-yonder?

Something I might understand:
I can see how the above behavior could cause misogyny...I’m female, and I’m disgusted by those shenanigans.

Something I question:
Do feminists think with their under-yonder, or with their brain? There are so many better ways to accomplish things. Keep in mind that no matter who you are or what you do, there will be people who strongly disagree with you.

Something irritates me:
Me. I get annoyed with myself when I fight the same battle repeatedly instead of making a firm decision to let it go and sticking with it.

Something for you:
Have a great day.  Make good decisions for yourself and know that not only is it okay to love yourself, it’s a commandment:  Love your neighbor as yourself.  (Mark 12:31)

Bitterness, Forgiveness, Decisions

Tulips, University of North Alabama

There are days when I’m a little mad at the world, and a lot mad at things closer to home. Something will remind me of past hurt, one I think I’ve forgiven and gotten past, but then there it is, reaching out to slap me, giving me a vivid reminder to forgive again. Forgiveness is rarely easy. I’d really rather hang on to my grudge, nurse it, nurture it, slowwwly letting it go back to the land of forgiveness. That only hurts me because the offender has no clue I am still dealing with the after-effects of their actions. 

Forgiveness is a tricky process, too. If you tell a person, “I forgive you,” their first response will normally be, “For what?” words that will sting like a slap in your face because while you struggled greatly in the battle of hurt vs forgiveness, you suddenly realize that the person who wounded you is oblivious to your pain and is living carefree and easy. You find yourself standing on the shore of unforgiveness with waves of bitterness lapping at your feet.

That’s when you get out of the sand

And back to the Rock.

If a person hasn’t asked for your forgiveness, they probably don’t think they need it. Sometimes, our desire to say, “I forgive you” is more of a need to remind them one last time that they hurt us than it is to absolve them of their transgression against us. When it backfires and you have to, again, pick up the pieces of your broken heart, readdress the anger, and push aside the resentment, it is then you finally begin to understand that forgiveness is a covenant between you and God, and that it is through His grace we are able to finally and completely let it go.

Forgiving and Forgetting
Forgiveness, I am sure you know, is for you, not for the person who hurt you, who is unconcerned with your hurt and who caused it. To forgive is a decision we have to make, and rarely is it an easy one. But unforgiveness breeds bitterness, and bitterness produces resentment, hostility, and anger. It also gives you wrinkles! Most of all, bitterness is a venomous root that grows around your heart, choking the joy and life out of you, and it alienates you from God.

Forgetting is a different matter altogether because we really don’t have much control over what we remember. Memories of bad experiences are scars left behind when someone hurts you, especially if that person is someone you love. As Christians, we work through the forgiving process, but the scar can still serve as a battle tactic the enemy of your soul will use to thwart your journey to joy, to God’s rest and peace. We may not always think about it, but the memory is there, and one day you see or hear something that reminds you of what happened, and a flood of feelings can make you feel as if you’re drowning. You have to make the decision to forgive all over again, and the quicker you do that, the better. It’s like quicksand…the further you sink, the harder it is to get back to solid ground. The moment you find yourself lingering on an uninvited memory, remind yourself you have already forgiven that transgression, and choose not to lug that baggage back to Square One.

Here's one that can be the toughest of them all…forgive yourself. Since this post is already over 600 words, I will cover forgiving myself in another post.

Final Thought:
Don’t let unforgiveness control you, and if you hang on to it, that is what it will do.
Make the choice to forgive so that you don’t end up back in The Pit.

Tulips, University of North Alabama

Still Standing My Ground

I lost 12 pounds in March.

I wasn’t perfect. 

There were days I struggled.

There were lessons I learned.

I have said for years that diets don’t work. “Lifestyle change” is just another word for a diet. Is there a diet I haven’t tried? Probably, but it would just be a recycled version of one of the countless plans I’ve tried before…many of them repeatedly, but all with the same loss/regain result. Falling off the wagon came easy. It seems insane to let one meal, or one “wrong” thing derail a whole month of struggle. Then there’s the discouragement: after being “good” all week and only losing .5 of a pound…but here’s a thought:

If I lost only 5 pounds a month for a year, I would weigh 60 pounds less. Would I have loved to have started this year off 60 pounds less than I did? You better know it.

In two years, I would have lost 120 pounds, and I would have been ecstatic, had I lost only 5 pounds per month and not gotten discouraged! Actually, I probably did lose close to 120 in two years, trouble is…I lost and regained those same pounds on a vicious tilt-a-whirl carnival ride.

Hard fact: If your goal is the number on the scales, in five years, you’ll still be riding the same merry-go-round…or roller coaster, with its ups and downs. I keep telling myself…and anyone who will listen…we have to find a way to eat that we can live with for the rest of our lives! And it shouldn’t involve spending 2/3 of our day planning/counting/stressing/worrying about food.

Here’s the biggest thing I am learning: 

It’s not about the weight. 

As long as I keep making it about the weight, I’ll keep failing. 

Let me interrupt myself…if this is your first visit here, please consider reading Choosing My Obsession and Standing My Ground (Part 1) and Pit Pollution (Part 2).

My Love Affair with Sugar:
A few weeks ago, I went to Nashville to celebrate my aunt’s 89th birthday. There was a plate of home-baked chocolate chip cookies on the counter, and eventually, I ate one. On the first bite…before I even swallowed, I thought to myself, “This is not going to be enough.” (Which tells me sugar addiction is partly mental!) I had two more, and I shared a piece of coconut cake with Ole Boy. Later, I had a fried dinner…catfish, fries, hushpuppies, slaw, cornbread. The next day, I ate at a Chinese buffet.

Normally, a weekend like this would be enough to derail me for the rest of the month…or year. But I remembered (or perhaps God reminded me) that I can’t rely on my own strength. It has failed me countless times!

So I made me an index card and propped it up on my desk at work:

I have written more on it since this photo.
See the end of this post for my Power Verses.

I read that card often. I cannot tell you how many times I said myself, “Lord, feed me with knowledge and understanding.” These scriptures worked every time. Every. Time.

To be Clear:
This is not about just reading/reciting scriptures! It is about having faith in them…believing the words are living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12) It is renewing the mind!

Let me tell you yesterday:
I decided to eat an old standby for when I’m on a binge (yeah, who knows my reasoning?!) I stopped at Jacks for a bacon & cheese biscuit, fried potatoes, and a large sweet tea. My intention was to go on to Walmart and get some cinnamon buns, or donuts…you know, something for a binge. On my way to Walmart, which was only a few blocks from Jacks, I gave my normal thanks to God for my food, and asked Him to bless it. I often feel funny about asking God to bless food that are really bad choices, but I ask Him anyway. Then I just talked to Him.

I told Him that my eating the fast food wasn’t a sin, it just wasn’t a good choice. I asked Him to help me remember that even if I have a whole day of bad choices, I still do not have to be a glutton.

Y’all! It’s not about the food.

It’s the obsession.

It’s the gluttony! 

I sat in the parking lot and ate my food, telling myself I’d just get one piece of pie, or only one or two donuts so that I couldn’t binge. I mean, that makes sense, doesn’t it? I just ate a bad-choice breakfast, so I’ll top it off with an ever worse bad choice, even though I was full, because I cannot deny that when I eat sugar-laden food, I find myself obsessing about eating. Making better choices helps me in more ways than one.

While shopping and thinking about what sugar product to buy, I realized I was relying on my own strength: justifying, plotting, planning…obsessing! See where my own strength gets me? Somewhere near the shoe department, I recited my power verses…out loud, (but under my breath so that no one would think I was crazy). And I believed in the power of those verses.

By the time I got to the cake and pie section, my intention had changed, without any effort on my part. My effort had been walking through the store reciting scripture. I walked right past all the donuts, Little Debbie’s, cakes, and pies, and hardly glanced their way. I picked up some grapes, a honeydew melon, some peanuts, and came home.

I didn’t binge, and it wasn’t a struggle.

When I am obsessing about food, I want the food more than I want to read my power verses. Sometimes the pull of the obsession far, far outweighs my desire to lose weight or get healthy, and sadly, my desire to please God by not being gluttonous. I have to make the hard choice to give in or rely on the Word. And the Word has not failed me. The next time I find myself seriously considering giving into gluttony (a binge, that is, I am not talking about just making a bad choice), I think I’ll meditate five minutes on my power verses, breathing in the “living and powerful” and breathing out the words.

Still can’t let go the number on the scale?  Remember this:
If you hope to lose 15 or 20 pounds a month, you set yourself up for failure. Other than the first month, that is an unrealistic goal. Eight pounds a month for an obese person is a reasonable goal, remembering that there are times you will only lose five or six pounds, and you cannot let that derail you.

My Power Scriptures/Prayer:

• Lord, You are my Shepherd.  (Psalm 23:1)  Feed me with knowledge and understanding.  (Jeremiah 3:15)
• Let me taste and see that You are good, let me take refuge in You.  (Psalm 34:8)
• I will trust in You and do good; I will feed on Your faithfulness.  (Psalm 37:3)
• Lord, I will not worry about what I will eat.  (Mathew 6:25)

This is the scripture that I came across in my daily reading that put me on this path:
Jesus speaking:

• Do not labor for the food with perishes, but for the food which endures to everlasting life, which the Son of Man will give you, because God the Father has set His seal on Him.  (John 6:27)