Don't you hate it when that happens?

Saturday, I went into the back yard for a few mins...and found the one little pile of doggy foo in the whole yard.  I took my boots off at the door, and left them there, intending (sometime over the next year or two) to clean them up.    Ole Boy came in, got a scrub brush and some spray cleaner and went out back and cleaned up my shoes.   Wasn't that sweet?

This morning, after the third or fouth time I got mildly irritated at something Ole Boy said, I finally got mad and started letting it show.  He asked a question, and I bit his head off.   He said, "Wow, someone pee'd in your Wheaties this morning."   I said, "YES! YOU!!!"    As I was getting ready to make a grand exit without saying goodbye, he saw it coming.   He calmly stood by the door and waited for me.   He then opened the door and told me to have a good day...."in your nice clean shoes." 

Over a year ago, a childhood classmate stopped me to talk in the middle of WalMart.   Before we parted ways, she said something that I have thought about often since that day:   There was a time when she would not stop people to talk to them, especially if she wasn't dressed nice, or didn't have make up.   Now, she said, she won't pass up an opportunity to catch up with old friends.

At the time, I was wishing that she hadn't stopped me because I was ashamed of how I looked.   Oh, I had my make up on, and there wasn't anything wrong with how I was dressed; I was very ashamed because of my weight.   The reason her statement was so profound for me was because I'd spent the last 10 years avoiding old friends.   When invited, I'd find a way not to get together.   If I caught a glimpse of them a public place, I would go to great lengths to make sure they didn't see me because I so hated the way I look.  I was obsessed with it.   I thought my weight was my identity.  This obsession has consumed a great deal of my adulthood....years...and there are so many missed opportunities to speak to an old friend that I can't get back.  Places I could have gone, but didn't, because I didn't want to face anyone...or face myself.   Family get togethers that I shunned because of what I looked like.   

My appearance doesn't define me.   It's been a long road to this discovery, and there are still days that the wrong thinking rears it's ugly head, but just because I have the negative thought, doesn't mean I have to invite it in and give it coffee. 

It's very important for me to "get over myself."  I have a choice.   I have the ability to make better decisions.   I may not always do it, but I am working on it every day.   Better food choices.   Saying hello.  Getting involved where once I would have stayed in the background.  Not letting my identity be intwined with or defined by my appearance. 

I am not counting calories.   I am not counting fat grams or carbs.  I don't always make good food choices.   I am not dwelling on every morsal of food I put in my mouth.  I am learning how to enjoy a meal without guilt, without planning my next meal, without planning my next diet, without hating myself for eating.   I am losing weight. 

I have been praying for a long while about freedom from this obsession.  My freedom story is an entry for another day, but this much I know:   If the Son sets me free, I am free indeed.   (John 8:36) 

Six Word Saturday

I just noticed on my last Six Word Saturday, I put "This are my six words."   
 And nobody told me!   I am anal about typos...I have to correct them!    

So, this week, here are my six words! 

"This" is in reference to my Spanish class, which I have whined about for one-point-five weeks.   Yeah, that's a whole week and a half.   But I'm going to stop whining and start studying.  More.  It would just help a little if they spoke some English in the process.   Just sayin'

Cate, from Show My Face, hosts the ever-popular "Six Word Saturday" each week. 

Pop over and see her for more great entries.

Seriously?

Remember the upcoming Elections.   Vote Positively.

What's On My Mind...

Politically Speaking ….

I find it funny how the day after Rep. Scott Brown wins the Massachusetts senate seat, a silly story such as this comes out about Sarah Palin.   I think “they” are skeered. 

Read it here!


Scott Brown’s election gives me hope that America finally is opening her eyes and ears…and waking up…and will take a more positive approach at the polls during the next two elections. 

World Events

Folks in my office were talking about Haiti and the earthquake and aftershocks there.   Pat Robertson’s comments were brought up:

On his Christian Broadcasting Network show yesterday, Rev. Pat Robertson said that the nation of Haiti has been devastated by a large earthquake because its people "made a pact with the devil."
"Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it," Robertson said. "They were under the heel of the French ... and they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, 'We will serve you if you'll get us free from the French.'"
"True story," he continued. "And the devil said, 'OK, it's a deal.' Ever since, they have been cursed by one thing after another."

My coworkers agreed that God is not vengeful and that no one could bring a national disaster upon themselves, no matter what they did or said.

I have mixed feelings.   I think a nation can become so evil that God can remove His hand; therefore, in a way, you do “bring it upon yourself.”   God is a jealous God.   We may not like to think about it, folks may not like to talk about it or hear it, but He is, and he’s been known to take out entire tribes.  I am in no way saying that we shouldn’t help these folks.   We should both pray, and give, if we are able.

Personal Opinion:
Not happy at all about with this season of The Biggest Loser.   It just doesn’t sit well with me the way the trainers are trying to get into the heads of the contestants.   Addressing issues that people are willing to talk about is fine, but don't badger people until they are ready to hit you.   (I believe that they made the married couple, Lance and Melissa, quite angry last night.)    It used to be a nice show…now, it seems more commercial, scripted, less for the people than for the ratings.   Not sure how many more episodes I’ll watch.   We’ll see.   

Personally:

12 pounds lost.   It hasn’t been too hard.   Today, I found myself wanting something sweet.   I do have some sugar free life savers, I like those a lot, but I ate grapes.   But my 21 no sugar days turned out to be only 17, as Sunday night, I had some fat free, but not sugar free pudding (which wasn’t that good) and a half of a peanut butter Little Debbie snack.    I hate that I did it….but I did, so, perhaps I will add a day at the end of my 21 days…actually; I will probably extend it indefinitely.   I seem to be doing better without it (sugar).

Gluten….I picked a magazine that has an article stating that chicks my age most likely react negatively to gluten in the diet, so I’m going to do a little research.   

This Spanish class is killing me!   Really, I need help.  Seriously.

Back to work!

Six Word Saturday

Cate, from Show My Face, hosts the ever-popular "Six Word Saturday" each week.

These are my six words.

Playing Around With Nametags

Yesterday's post was not aimed at any one person.

Playing around with name tags when I should be studying Spanish.  

You'd think...or at least I did...that they would ease you into it.  

They don't.  They start the class speaking Spanish. 

Don't know how to get the images sharper...

if I can sharpen them, I may try my hand at animating them.

A Blogging Commentary

Blog:  ˈblȯg, ˈbläg\   Function: noun  Etymology: short for Weblog  Date: 1999
a web site that contains an online personal journal with reflections, comments, and often hyperlinks provided by the writer; also : the contents of such a site

When I started my first blog, AOL Journals had a nice blogging community that we called “J-Land.”  For some unknown reason (I have my theories) AOL decided to go a different route, and deleted the whole kit and caboodle.    J-Land was then dispersed throughout the web, and I landed here, finally.

I have started and ignored so many journals, I can’t even remember where they all are…WordPress, Blogher…blog names and passwords long forgotten.    When I first started blogging, it was because I wanted to write.   Then came the comment craze…it was so fun getting comments and feedback on what I had written.   It seemed the more I visited and comment on blogs, the more people came to visit me.   I am way-yonder too AADD to read journals that don’t interest me….I’m usually too AADD to read long entries on stuff that does interest me!  

I noticed a phenomenon.   Bloggers just wanted comments, and in order to get them, they would hit 100 or so journals…or blogs, if you will…and say such things as, “Have a great day!”  or “Good Entry.”   Very generic things like that, or they would ask a question about something that you had thoroughly covered in the entry, so you knew without a doubt they weren’t reading, just fishing for comments.

To me, writing is not about how many comments you can get, though comments are very nice.   Blogging…writing…is about expression.   A blog is a place where the blogger should be able to freely be herself (or himself).   I don’t always do that, I must admit.   A blog reflects the writer, their ideals, beliefs, morals and yes, biases.   Yet there are times, I don’t say all I think, for various reasons.

I do like comments, but they aren’t necessary for me to read someone else’s writing.   Usually the blogs I read do mirror my own beliefs and morals; every now and again I keep up with someone who is vastly different than me, but still interesting, often interesting to me because their belief system is so different than mine.   I do, however, think interaction is necessary.   I hate to be ignored.

Things that will stop me from returning to a blog:

Excessive cursing:   I started to say “excessive and unnecessary” but I can’t really think of any necessary cursing, even when *I* get mad enough and let one slip. 
Bashing:   God bashing, denomination bashing, people bashing…
Rudeness:  there’s never an excuse.
Politics:   When their ignorance shows.
Stupidity:   Same as above.
Extremely poor grammar.   Spelling.  Punctuation:  My biases, I know.  
Excessive typos:  It looks too much like extremely poor grammar.     Spellcheck!!
Boring:   Loooongggg and boring entries…kinda like this one.  Of course, I realize that long and boring is in the opinion of the reader. 
Lack of interaction:   If I ask a question or make a particularly insightful (in my own mind, that is) comment, or if I’ve commented on several entries and don’t get the courtesy of at least email, I probably won’t return.   It’s rude.

::::Stepping off of my soapbox::::

A Renewed Mind

If I could instantly change one thing about myself for the year 2010, I would change the way I think.

That would fix a lot of issues and challenges.

I’ll get there. It’s called renewing the mind. It can be done, but for me, it’s being a long process.  I'm really not sure how to do it, God will have to show me.

Examples of my thinking process....Sunday, I ate only two meals. Neither one of them were the best of choices, but neither one of them were binges. That night, when I got into bed, I was feeling guilty for “all I ate today.” I had to remind myself that I only ate twice.

The same thing happened earlier last week. I had eaten three meals, and those three meals were normal sized, healthier choice meals. But that night, I was berating myself for eating too much. I reminded myself that I had “three squares” that day.

Monday, I found myself dwelling on it in the shower.   Later that morning, after eating a whole wheat bagel with 1/3 less fast strawberry cream cheese, I was suffering with guilt pangs.  "I should have eaten only half of the bagel.  I shouldn't have used so much cream cheese...."   Seriously.   Mind renewal is a must.


But still. I’m plagued. Many times throughout the day, I find myself dwelling on food:  What I ate, when to eat. My choices. This. That. The other.

I know I must retrain my thought process….but how do I get there?

How, indeed.

These are some of the things we cover in counseling.

I will get there, because God is for me, not against me.

Was Freedom a butterfly I held in my hand and let go?

Still Cold!

This is what Wilson Dam Falls looks like in the summer.

This is what it looks like today!

I apologize for the next ones...I have a new camera for which I have not (obviously) read the accompanying manual.   It was pretty frustrating...so many photo opps, so few good shots.  

C-C-Cold, Y'all!

Alabama doesn't get much snow...it's been snowing for three days....and we still don't have much snow.  What we have is COLD!   It's 25°, the wind chill factor is 13°, and it's not getting any better tonight or tomorrow.

This little bit of snow got me an extra off day this week on Thursday, and a delayed start time on Friday.  Can't complain about that!!

Yeah...amazing that I got off work for this, isn't it?

Oops...somebody at the County Court House forgot to turn the fountain off.....

I was standing on the bank across the river....

let me tell you, it was COLD!

It's been an uneventful week...I just can't find much to get into in these temps.   I guess I can endure for a week (mostly because I have to) but I'm really ready for spring...or at least my normal winter 30's and 40's...mixed with some sunny days in the 50's.

On Thursday, my unscheduled day off, I did NOTHING...other than take the pictures that you see above and keep my fire burning.   I noticed when I went back to work that we should have been off on Friday instead of Thursday because the roads were worse on Friday.  For sure the parking lots were.  

One thing that I have done all week is eat like a normal person, or at least how I think a normal person would eat.   I didn't hit the fast food restaurants (my condolences to Jacks and Taco Bell) and no sweets (my condolences to the Keebler elves...I know those three companies took a beating this past week).   

Have I mentioned it's cold?   Well, did I mention that I don't have central heat?   No...my source of heat is a fire place insert.  Of course, my winter electric bills are, on average, $110...or less...sometimes a little more.   I think I did have a $140 dollar bill last year, much to my dismay.   I do have a wall heater in the bathroom, which I use every day, believe you me!  

Since this is turning into a random post, I'm going to rant about The Biggest Loser.   The producers of the show have seemingly let greed replace compassion.  Not only do they have the biggest contestants ever, they made them all weigh in their home towns, in public, in front of their family and friends, and anyone else who came to watch.   Knowing that some of them wouldn't be staying more than a week or two, I thought that particular humiliation was terribly unneccessary.   It's not like they aren't already allowing the show to humilate them on national TV...but it's not live for heaven's sake...and by the time the show is underway, these folks have lost some weight.    All this, and it's just the first show. 

Time to throw another log on the fire...

~M

Monday

The first day back at work after two weeks off went very smooth, all things considered.   I wish some others would do their job a little more quickly, and then I could get on with my stuff...patience...  

After work, I rushed home, cleaned out the fireplace, got a new fire started, cooked dinner, and made it to prayer meeting on time.  

Let's go back to "cooked dinner."   You have to understand that not a lot of "cooking" goes on at my house.  A lot of (formerly) eating, yes; not a lot of cooking.  I mean, seriously, I haven't had a full sized oven in over 13 years, only a toaster oven, and I haven't missed it, not one day.    

Tonight, I made hamburger steak with mushroom gravy, and sauteed onions and mushrooms to top it with.   To the normal adult wife and/or mother, that may not be such a big deal.   For me, it was great!   It tasted great, it was low fat, and it made me feel good that I cooked it.   The only mistake I made was not enough gravy or sauteed onions and mushrooms.   Live and learn.

OK...so any of my immediate family/real life friends, you may now pick your chin up off the floor.  I did indeed eat the onions.  Of course, they were near carmelized, and the whole meal was good! 

Instead of eating out so much, I'm endeavoring to learn to cook a little more-better.   More cooking, better choices, more money saved, better health.

I am so encouraged.

Oh, by the way, I did climb the extra strairs today.   I just might do it again tomorrow.

It's all over now...

Monday.

Staring me in the face.  

Two weeks gone...so very quickly,

and it's back to work in the morning.

I'm not dreading it, but I'm not looking forward to it, either.   The worse part of it is that temps will be in the teens every day this week when I leave for work.   This is not typical Alabama weather.   Give me my 30's and 40's back, please.   And hurry!!

My eating issues have been easy to deal with these past five days (God gets the glory for that).   Even while eating out, I did fairly well.   The biggest accomplishment is not binging.  uhm...binge-ing.   I haven't been binging either, for that matter.   But I digress.   As I had mentioned in an ealier post, no sugar for 21 days.   That's going a lot better than expected...three days now, and I haven't watched TV at all (granted that's not a biggie for me, I don't watch that much, but take it by spells).  However, The Biggest Loser starts on Tuesday, and I do intend to watch that.    Since I am giving up mindless TV for these first 21 days as well as sugar, I don't turn it on; therefore, I don't surf.   That's pretty mindless.  

I gave thought to trying Weight Watchers again.   Thought about going, then thought about doing it on my own.   Ran a few other diets through my head, but I have failed so many times on these things that I decided to just pay more attention to my body (eat when I'm hungry and don't stuff) and trying not to get too hungry so that it is easier not to stuff.   The thing I have noticed is that each day that's gone by, it's a little easier to make a better choice here and there, or not eat so much at a time.  I'm going back to the doctor on the 28th of this month and will weigh then.    We'll see how it goes.  

I'm not depriving myself of stuff I like, nor am I forcing down stuff I don't like.   I did eat a very tart orange...and it made my teeth sensitive for three days!   Won't be eating one of those again!!!!! 

For some reason, The Biggest Loser inspires me.   Glad it's coming on again so soon. 

Exercise?   Oh, sorry that you asked!   I'm not doing a thing.   I don't call it a dreadmill for nothing, you know.   Tomorrow, I will climb extra stairs in my building at work, and that's about all I'm gonna promise at this point. 

I went to a chinese buffet today after church.   I did have some fried stuff....but I peeled some of the breading off the shrimp (ended up with TINY shrimp, I want you to know), didn't eat all of my rice, and only made one trip.   Of course, I ate no sweets.  Then for dinner, I fixed some chicken in the crockpot, so I had chicken and rice.

The best thing of all today?   I was an hour into my church service when I realized I hadn't had breakfast.     *This* from someone who has spent many years making sure I not only didn't miss a meal, but trying to devise ways of having more than my fair share of meals.

I was pleased.  

Prayer Power for 2010

Lord, I cover myself and everyone around me with the blood of Jesus.  I cover all the members of my family with the blood of Jesus.  I cover my ministry, my marriage, my home, my land, my belongings, my finances with the blood of Jesus.   In the Name of Jesus Christ, by the power of His blood, I break off every power of the kingdom of darkness and cancel every argument in heaven that has established itself against the plans of God in my life, and in my family.   As for me and my house, we shall serve the Lord.   Satan, the blood of Jesus is against you, and you have no authority over my life.   NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME *OR MY FAMILY* SHALL PROSPER!